tell me we'll never get used to it


(photo by ryan mcginley)



ontheborderland asked: Someday, you must share the story of the kitchen ghost!

On the Subject of Kitchen Ghosts

Friends, don’t let Ladies Home and Garden fool you into thinking that the Kitchen Ghost is a common pest. Kitchen Ghosts are not to be shooed, shushed, or shrieked at. Develop a relationship. Help them channel that lost and forlorn energy. Before long, they will be doing your dishes, sweeping the floor, facing the labels of your spice rack in a most helpful way. 

Readers may recall that a perusal of my 5th grade yearbook from 1990 reveals that my career goal in life at the age of 10 was to become a “parapsychologist.” I’m proud to be the only 5th grader in Laurel Elementary’s history to express such an ambition for all future generations, thumbing through the pages in order to make fun of unfortunate early 90’s fashions, to see. There are, as I see it, two possibilities for the genesis of this career. 1) repeat viewing of Ghostbusters, a template-forming crush on Bill Murray. To this day, melancholy men with sarcastic humor undo me. 2) My dad forcing me to read Stephen King books from the age of 9. Unfortunately, I do not have the calm, cool, rational demeanor witnessed by paranormal investigators on shows such as “Ghost Hunters” or “Paranormal State” (my personal favorite, hosted by a morose fellow who has been stalked by a demon since childhood). It has been noted on many a grade-school report card that I have an “overactive imagination.” So! Take my kitchen ghost experience with a grain of salt.

I have had two potentially ghostly experiences, but only one was with a Kitchen Ghost. I lived in what was reputed to be one of the most haunted houses in New Orleans (and that’s saying something), so haunted that a German paranormal show flew out to investigate when it was reported that posted security guards were fleeing in the night once the building was abandoned due to eviction. 

I lived with a boy, a dog, and a cat. The boy had always scoffed at the idea the building was haunted, but once him and I had the same experience on separate occasions, he scoffed no more. We slept in a loft, a loft that looked over the whole of the living area, and from the loft you could see the doorframe into the kitchen. Here are the hallmarks of what we both witnessed:

  • dead of night
  • banging/noises in the kitchen, dishes clattering
  • A strange light coming from the kitchen that was NOT our normal kitchen light
  • Neither person waking up despite shouting and shaking

In his case, he woke up to the noises, and also to our cat and dog perched eerily on the edge of the loft together, staring intently into the kitchen. He tried to wake me up, and I would not, which is unusual. Apparently he shook me and shouted: “Babe! I think there are ghosts in the kitchen!” And I merely mumbled, “Good for the ghosts….” He said he eventually went back to sleep, and there was no light on in the morning. 

In my case, a few months later, I was asleep in the loft, while boy and dog had fell asleep below on the couch while watching a movie. I was woken up by the clattering noises in the kitchen, which sounded like someone doing the dishes. And a weird, sickly orange light coming from the kitchen doorway. I looked down at the sleeping boy and dog and hissed their names. Nothing. I scrambled down the ladder, and shook both boy and dog. Neither would wake up! Very twilight zone. I grabbed the sleeping dog and scampered back up into the loft, scared to look towards the kitchen. And eventually fell asleep. 

I came to feel very safe in that house, very protected. I came to think of our ghosts as helpful ghosts. I never walked into a kitchen full of eerily, perfectly stacked dishes, but I’m sure the intention was there. 

Here are more ghostly stories about Crumblydown Manor from my dear old neighbor, Angeliska. 

  1. ecantwell said: I go back & forth on my belief in ghosts. This has tipped me back to pro-ghosts.
  2. parasols said: Oh, this is heaven. I love it whenever you talk about that house. (And I wanted to be a parapsychologist too, but I waited until I was 14 or so to realize it. The culprit was Marion Zimmer Bradley’s “Ghostlight”.)
  3. ontheborderland said: Fantastic tale and well-told! Ghosts seem overly fond of kitchens for some reason…
  4. loscheiner said: In 5th grade I wanted to be an ichthyologist. I’m glad we’ve found each other.
  5. petitchou posted this
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