My car got stolen last week, Tumblr. Which, apparently, if you live in San Francisco and drive a mid-nineties Honda Accord, is a rite of passage. Ah, well. I just hope the thug who drove away in it felt just a little self-conscious in a powder blue car with an EXTREMELY RARE Bonnie Prince Billy bumper sticker, an “I love love” gay marriage support sticker, and a “World’s Greatest Nana” license plate holder. Because I doubt he/she/they really love any of those things.

But on to brighter things. I thought I would compile a minor list of the best things that have gone down this year. Because it soothes me, okay?

Best Book Read: Well, I’m currently reading Nabakov’s Ada, or Ardor, which I intuit will end up in the top ten of all time. But I will say as of now it’s Lydia Peele’s collection Reasons for and Advantages of Breathing.

Best Book I Should Have Read Years Ago but Instead Waited Until I Was 28, Which is Probably For the Best: Moby Dick.

Best Show Attended: Bill Callahan. I can die now.

Best New Political Crush Who is Missing Half a Finger: Rahm Emanuel.

Best Curriculum Written: The Absurd and Existential in 20th Century Literature (Reading List: Conrad, Camus, Dostoevsky, DeLillo, John Kennedy Toole, Remarque, Baudrillard).

Best Subtitle I Came up With for Best Curriculum Written: Yo Kierkegaard, I’m really unhappy for you, and Imma letchyou finish…but Neitzche was one of the best haters of all time. Best hater of all time!

Best Accomplishment: Inventing a burrito pocket for the Snuggie.

Best Electrical Experience: Seeing my first Tesla coil.

Best River Swum In This Summer: The Yuba.

Best Song: Embarrassingly, Last.fm informs me (and the world) that my most listened to song in 2009 was Dionne Warwick’s “Walk on By.” Really, brain? I mean, wow. I think I can maybe blame this on some sort of post-break up ‘repeat’ binge. Second up was Lil’ Wayne’s “A Millie,” which is sooo 2008. So I’ll go ahead and say that Grizzly Bear’s “Ready, Able” was my favorite song this year.

Best Thing I Found On the Internet: Danzig’s Book Collection. Or, what I’ve come to dub, “Shirtless Reading Hour with Glenn Danzig,” or alternately, “If You Wanna Bang Heads With Me, Read These Books.” Watch out, Oprah!

What are your bests, Tumblr?