Egyptology Club (c. 1991)
Rules: Nerd out about sarcophogi, pyramids, hieroglyphs, curses.
Les Miserables/Orphans Club (c. 1991)
I assign you an orphan to play and a song to sing. I am the oldest and bossiest, so you do it.
Babysitters’ Club (1991-1993)
Yes, like the books. Meticulous notes were kept.
{1993-2004 = too cool for clubs}
The Thon (2004-infinity)
I don’t know if I can accurately explain the Thon. Short for “marathon.” Basically, there are four founding members who came together due to break-ups and quarter life crises. The rule is that you have to hang out together for as long as humanly possible, following each other to jobs, school, libraries, family functions. You must experience the entire range of human emotions. You have to want to go home at some point. You won’t. At some point, some one will look up, and say, “you guys, I think we’re thonning!” Membership is really exclusive and has secret levels. I can honestly say the Thon saved my life.
Stoner Book Club (2009)
Kind of a misnomer, as one did not have to be a stoner of any kind to belong to this club. I mean, there were lots of snacks, sure. It was more about the mentality, you know, the non-stuffiness one could expect, the fact that most of them devolved into listening to records and “art projects.” I was inexplicably never allowed to choose a book again after I demanded everyone read Werner Herzog’s Conquest of the Useless, for which I prepped everyone by screening Burden of Dreams on a wall projector and baking my infamous nihilistic boot cake. People just mostly grumbled that it was in hardcover. But they seem to have forgotten that brilliant stoner conversation wherein we decided that we would become the next youtube sensations by reimagining Herzog’s infamous Obscenities of the Jungle monologue as a tirade against the Obscenity of Kittens. SBC is also where I met the majority of some of my closest friends. Now-defunct, there is talk of turning into a Lecture Club. Where we give each other lectures about stuff.
Twin Peaks Club (2010)
Formed with some core members of the SBC. To be continued, as everyone scattered over the summer on various road trips (though we did find some TP graffiti outside of Marfa, TX) and travels, with only the finale remaining! This was my first introduction to Twin Peaks, other than the time I read Laura Palmer’s diary in its entirety during furtive grocery store trips, after my mother told me no, I couldn’t buy it, way too racy, etc. Anyhow, every Sunday we hunkered down at someone’s house with donuts and coffee and fervent attention and fighting over important things like “you skipped the Log Lady Intro!” and “Should we watch Fire Walk With Me?!” Anyhow, soon The Wire Club will be forming and, don’t worry Tumblr, we will be kidnapping Mills for this.
Listening Club (2010)
This is an informal, ongoing club in which we loosely rotate someone picking an entire album and hosting a listening party for it at their house. This person can also yell at people about what they should be listening for and why they chose it. For the first listening club we listened to Kraut Rock and had a dance party to Can. For the second listening club we listened to Funkadelic’s Maggot Brain while coloring in the dark.
Chinese Swim Club (2010)
Formed in an outdoor freshwater spring in Austin, Texas. Takes its name and cues from our gym back in San Francisco, where elderly chinese ladies share lanes to do a leisurely crawl and gossip/kvetch together. Has been meeting on sporadic Friday nights.
Bangs and Fangs Club (2010)
Self-explanatory. Haircuts while watching “True Blood.” Seasonal.
