At approximately 4:52pm, the following took place in the front office of a private high school:
Me: How was your meeting with the head of the Education PhD program at [redacted prestigious university down the road]?
A: [motions me over, in hushed tones] Well….it was unnerving?
Me: Because it was [redacted prestigious university down the road]?
A: Well….actually…I walked into his office and he, well…he was sitting back with his right leg up on the desk, hands behind his head, very cavalier and….[demonstrates]
Me: Like…wide open? Wide stance? All up in your face?
L (school treasurer, work crush, wearing karate kid-style bandana): [mumbles] I don’t like this door….what do y’all think about taking the door to this office off?
[no one listens to him]
A: I could see [urgent whisper] the outline of his junk! I mean, what? Who does that? And he sat like that the whole time! And just stared me down! And kept cutting me off! I got so flustered! How could he not know?
Me: [rage sputter] Oh, HE KNEW. Classic male power move! You know what you have to do, right?
[drilling noises]
A: Never go back?
Me: You have to stuff your pants! And go back! It is BALL-OFF time. You need to out-ball this f*cker. Or at least unsettle him deeply.
A and I: [Both look up, realize there is now no door. In fact, there is neither a door nor half a wall anymore. And half the school is loitering in this new open space, listening to us.]
D____, 17: You gotta go back, Ms. A. You gotta outball this guy. She’s right.
[finis]
Previous in whispered conversations in the front office
Previously in front office flirtations
