Real Talk With My Mom
First: you would tell your problems to musical counterpart R. Kelly, who is reinventing himself as a Paul Schaffer-style sidekick. He will creatively interpret your problem into a hip-hopera, playing all relevant parts himself onstage.
Second: My mom will then give you (via R. Kelly) advice.
Giveaways: Container Store-sponsored containers to organize your life on a literal and symbolic level. New and rare inventions in tupperware and ziplock technology. Post-it notes of various sizes, shapes, and affirmative sayings. A lifetime supply of hand towels. A hairbrush because your hair looks like “a rat’s nest.” Sweet tea vodka. Decorative vases not meant to hold flowers. Candles that can never be burned for aesthetic reasons.
Catchphrase: “My mom radar is going off!” while a siren blares, and (my personal lifelong favorite) “Are you sure there isn’t something else you need to tell me?” (Crowd response cue card: “Hmmm? Hmmm?”) Any brief hesitation will set off another round of sirens. She will always be right. ALWAYS.
"Will You Wear/Use it As Many Times as Dollars You Have Spent On It?"
Self-explanatory, yet eye-opening.
"Fake it Til You Make It"
Take a job you are sorely underqualified for yet bluff and sass your way through.
"Go Big or Go Home"
Plan a vacation like no other vacation. Caveat: you must save money by getting free room, rental car, and flight upgrades by the wit of your tongue alone. Double caveat: You may only roll your eyes at service representatives twice.
"You in Danger, Gurl!"
Frequent guest Suze Orman will join my mother in sighing heavily at your financial decisions and choice of boyfriends. They will lead the audience in group sighs.